A weekend my hubs & I will cherish forever, #FusionCamp2019 was truly one for the books! It was the first couples camp organised by Citichurch, lead by Pastors JP & Cielo Villegas with guest speakers Pastor Peter & Christine Kairuz. By God’s grace we, along with a bunch of couples, had a blast learning about God’s word & design in marriage & practical concerns while having lots of fun! We were able to recommit our vows & rekindled the good fight in our marriage for His purpose & glory. We learned a lot but out of everything, here are 7 takeaways that really stirred my heart.
1 | Wives & mothers set the thermostat at home
Thermostat is defined as a device that automatically regulates temperature. Is your home cool or hot? Let me rephrase that, is the MOOD of your home, cool or hot? I realised that the mood of our home has a lot to do with me, if you’re a wife or a mother reading this, this goes to you too! Wives & mothers, we fail to realise that we have SO much POWER into achieving a blissful, peaceful & vibrant home. I speak for myself, most of the time I tend to blame things around me or my husband but really, I have the ability to make things better. How? I set the temperature or mood when I respond gently, express my emotions at the right time, encourage, pray & when I don’t push my agenda into the situation. Which leads us to my second takeaway.
An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones. Proverbs 12:4
For a man ought not to have his head covered, since he is the image & glory of God but woman is the glory of man. 1 Corinthians 11:7
The wife is the glory, honour & dignity of her husband -Peter & Christine Kairuz
2 | My relationship is more important than my agenda
Many maaaaaany times I look back on the arguments we’ve had, 99% were because of petty things & yet the damage we cause become immense. To be honest? I could not control my mouth just because I want my agenda to win. Any wives relate? As what our godparents, kuya JP & ate Cielo remind us, “if one wins, both lose”. The sooner we work on being in the same team, the sooner we’ll win! If you would allow me to remind you, darling, we are the thermostat of our home. Breathe in, breathe out, choose your battles & zip it! #notetoself haha! And should you want to air out, pray, let God fight your battles & here’s the next takeaway, sow anyway.
This is scary: You can tame a tiger, but you can’t tame a tongue—it’s never been done. The tongue runs wild, a wanton killer. With our tongues we bless God our Father; with the same tongues we curse the very men and women he made in his image. Curses and blessings out of the same mouth! James 3:7-10
3 | Sow anyway
Marriage is a process or journey of becoming one, naturally, there will be breaking because of a lot of reasons- differences in opinion & personality to name one. There will be days when you’ll be faced with matters that trigger anger, disappointment, hurt & so on… but you sow anyway. You do your part anyway. That is a marriage.
4 | You go through seasons in marriage
This be one of my favourite topics in camp because it gave us comfort & a better understanding where we are at right now, a glimpse of what to expect in the future & that a lot of us are in the same page. We are not alone. This made us appreciate more where we’re at. Allow me to share some of the notes that were shared to us.
Newlyweds / Spring
- This is the season where both are in a “romantic high” where there’s heightened passion & euphoric sexual intimacy. Couples at this stage are inseparable!
- There is emotional obsession wherein mistakes are not a big deal, there is maximum tolerance, extreme understanding & patience & sweetness is evident.
- Depending on various factors, may last 1-3 years.
Married with children/ Summer
- The illusion of perfection is gone & patience wears thin.
- A lot more effort is required for dates & sexual intimacy.
- Depending on various factors, may last up to 12-15 years.
Married with teens & young adults/ Autumn
- No more illusions! You’ve passed through trials & weathered the storms. Your love was tested & it passed!
- You’re more focused on stability especially that this is the time where you earn more but spend more.
- You are careful when it comes to sexual intimacy in consideration of your teens because they could decode your “signals”
- Depending on various factors, may last up to 10 years
Empty nest/ Winter
- Everyone’s married or has moved out & this is the time you REDISCOVER yourselves.
- You are enjoying the fruits of your labor!
- You celebrate imperfections.
- You have a lot of time for sexual intimacy but less energy.
- Energy is rechanneled to grandchildren.
- This stage continues until widowhood.
- Depending on age, this stage may end if widow/er remarries or it continues till death.
- After a time of grieving, you rediscover yourself & you find a new hobby however, you miss your spouse.
Enjoy life with the wife you love all the days of your fleeting life, which has been given to you under the sun, all your fleeting days. For that is your portion in life and in your struggle under the sun. Ecclesiastes 9:9
Cried during this discussion. Life presented this way made me realise how short living is & hear hear to what Ptr. Peter said, “Life is too short to be picking on your spouse”. Hubs & I are in summer & honestly, the transition is very challenging. But given this fresh perspective, I’m encouraged not just to fight but to fight gratefully & wisely. This also made me appreciate my husband all the more…
5 | Your spouse is God’s exclusive gift to you
Admittedly, with the change that’s been happening, I’ve allowed myself to be trapped in my own concerns which in effect, crippled me to FULLY appreciate, honour & respect my husband. This brought me to more tears during camp as I expressed how grateful I am to be gifted with a loving husband (as you can see in my Fusion Camp vlog). Despite everything we are going through, the truth remains- the truth that your spouse is God’s EXCLUSIVE GIFT, YOURS ALONE. Reflect on that for a moment & think of all the good things about your spouse. Count your blessings, hun! That’s the way to go to a happier life!
6 | Husbands are to be respected
Yes, wives need to be loved but I want to emphasise this part, husbands need to be respected. #RESPECT, that’s a big word for your man. Girl, just do your part! #anothernotetoself God’s got you. It’s God’s design for your man to be the head of the home, this is His commandment. He has given him wisdom which you will have to submit to. Submitting doesn’t make us less of a woman, it actually shows strength. I know, this may be very difficult for us wives at times but God sees your heart. Watch how He blesses you, your marriage & home as He acknowledges your obedience. Work on it!
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. Ephesians 5:22-28
Admiration not only motivates, it also rewards the husband’s existing achievements. Dr. Willard F. Harley
A woman needs to appreciate her husband for what he already is, not for what he could become.” Dr. Willard F. Harley
In my submission to my husband I must realise that marriage is entering into a covenant relationship which means death to independent living. Peter & Christine Kairuz
7 | You forgive & honour your parents to break a generational curse
This hits me hard because I came from a broken family. Do the math. Although forgiveness is evident in our family by God’s grace, when this topic was discussed, I realised I had to ask forgiveness to God. To explain that, Ptr. Peter & Tita Christine elaborated through an example. When one says, “I will never be like my mother/father” or “I will never do what my mother/father did to me”. It may sound promising but what we don’t realise is that we are releasing a curse towards our parents & that affects us. How? It says in His word, ““HONOUR YOUR FATHER & MOTHER”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “SO THAT IT MAY GO WELL WITH YOU and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” I know in my heart I’ve said this so Reel & I lifted a prayer, asking for forgiveness.
Nothing in a relationship has to permanently destroy that relationship if forgiveness is in the picture… No failure is larger than grace. No hurt exists that love cannot heal. Dr. Henry Cloud/ Dr. John Townsend
Young Couple: How were you able to stay together all these years?
Old Couple: We lived in a generation where if something was broken, instead of giving up & throwing it away, WE FIX IT.
THIS IS A MARRIAGE.
You don’t quit, you fight. You fight for many reasons but most of all, you do it for God’s glory.
All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. 2 Corinthians 4:15
Can’t wait for the camp next year & we hope more couples can join!
Utterly filled with gratitude, Ptr. Peter & Tita Christine for everything you’ve imparted, especially your time & testimony. God bless your marriage & ministry all the more! Ptrs. JP & Cielo, thank you for your leadership, especially, love. You don’t only lead us every month, you share your lives to us & are just a call away. How blessed are we to call you our godparents! To Ptr. Jo & Tita Sheilah grateful for setting a great example, fighting for couples through prayers & counselling & establishing the Fusion ministry. To every single one who made this camp a success, you know who you are, your labor in the Lord isn’t in vain!!!
Thank you, love, for being intentional & purposeful for our marriage to flourish. We have a long way to go but we are on the right track because of God’s grace. May God be glorified in our marriage. I love, honour & respect you.